I have seen many important and very dear relationships fall apart over the last few years. And each time, I realized that while the other person has clearly moved on, I was left tending to my wounds.
Hurt is a universal feeling and how you deal with it is totally subjective. Remember, it is always easy to tell someone to ‘move on’. It takes just more than that, more than just some comforting words. There are those who go into a shell, there are those who want to take it all out and look for a comforting shoulder to fall back on and then there are those who try to shove it all in, to the deepest so as not to confront this grief ever again, and become normal very next day. We all know that we have to move out of it and move on with life some day. But we take our own time to first, come to terms with the grief, letting it sink in and then deciding to overcome it.
I have seen many people dealing with such things differently. I have read many ‘self-help’ and ‘how to deal with…’ sort of articles. What works for one may or may not work for the other. It is very simple, the intensity of hurt is not the same for two people.
Also, though I am not an expert on the topic but I would like to share some of the ways I have learnt to deal with such feelings. In no way I am saying that what I have been through is in comparison to somebody else’s pain and hurt. No. There are no and cannot be any comparisons. I am aware people go through a great deal of suffering. The point I am trying to make here is we all have different ways to deal with that hurt. Hurt, that can be due to someone passing away, a breakup, messed-up career or financial troubles. But above all that, we do want to come out of that miserable condition. We cannot be in that state forever. We need to move on. Rightly said then, change is the only constant in life.
I am also learning and I also realize that my own mechanism to deal with such situations is getting a lot better as I grow old. Yes, here I can safely say that age may not just be a number after all!
• Remember, nobody is indispensable. Yes. Barring your parents, siblings, life partner and close friends, there is nobody you need to mourn over, if that person did not think about you before moving on. Today, I regret not the loss of a few friends long gone, but the demise of my uncle two and a half years back. How we keep taking our family and lot of things around it for granted and then one fine day, we feel that guilt of not giving them enough time and attention. Yes, I miss my uncle and I realize, that is the ultimate loss. He is not going to come back.
So, it is important to think about those who think about us and value us in their lives. Because only they are the ones you will never be able to replace. Stop sulking over that boyfriend who left or the job that sucks. Leave it and move on. Love your loved ones. Life will take care of rest!
• Do what you want to do. Don’t let people decide how you should come out of the grief. Cry till your tears are all gone, crib till your words give on you or be quiet and go into yourself till you find yourself. Do what you feel like. It will take time but the ‘moving on’ will be organic, so to say. And not artificial.
• I am not going to advise you to ‘develop a hobby’. Clichéd. But find something which just gives a vent to your feelings at that moment. There is always that one thing that soothes, calms you. Dance, paint, write, cook, do yoga, teaching…basically anything or may be that one thing that you always wanted to do. Time to start doing it is now!
• Love yourself. Respect yourself. Start looking for happiness in small things and you will find it.
• Always be humble and grateful about the love and care that you are getting from people. That matters. In this mean world, people do not have time even for themselves. So, if someone is taking time out to reach out to you, be generous.
• Finally, it is all ok. Trust the Highest power, if you don’t believe in God. He never gives us the challenge which He thinks we can’t fulfill. Believe there is something better and brighter at the end of this tunnel. Besides life never stops for anyone. It moves on. So it is only wise to pick up the broken pieces, trust that you will sail through this storm and move on with ever-flowing life.
I do not want this post as another ‘how to…’ thing. These are just plain simple fundas which we usually overlook when we are sad. Trust me when I say that all of them work. I say all that because I have been there.