What a girl wants!

From Society

• Treat her as equal.  Equal to the other half of the population, the man

From Family

• She wants you to not differentiate between her and her brother
• She wants to look after you, provide for you when you grow old, take you out on a trip and buy you a new car. Just as much as her brother wants to do all this for you
• She wants you not to bother so much for her marriage and definitely not the dowry. Because first, it is not right. And second, you made her independent and confident. That is more than she could ever ask from you
• She wants you to be there with her in her choices. She knows you may not agree to many of them, but she has confidence in herself. She wants you to have faith in her
• She wants you to ask her for anything that you may need for she is perfectly capable to take care of you

From Life-partner/Lover

• She wants you to respect her and her family and where she comes from. She is proud of her roots and she wants you to know her better
• She wants you to support her and be her strength when she is not feeling up for the challenges of life. She is emotionally stronger than you but there may be times when she wants you to be her anchor
• She wants you to remember that she is equally responsible for the investments and future planning
• She wants you to really understand her when she says she wants to make babies with you or she wants to take time to decide if she is really up for the responsibilities
• She wants you to sometimes offer to help her in the kitchen and other household chores. She most definitely wants you to know how to cook!
• She wants you to read books with her, listen to music on a lazy Sunday afternoon, take her out for a brunch on a Saturday, surprise her sometimes with something she really likes
• She secretly wants you to remember the birthdays, anniversaries. Atleast yours and people close to you. Even though she knows you may let her down in this one
• She wants you to know that she may really have a ‘headache’ some days
• She wants you to know that she likes to take charge in bed and would like to do lot of things with you, even though the whole act of making love may have just become a chore after a long day at work and even though it is mostly you dominating every move
• She wants to grow old and walk in the sunset with you

From Miscellaneous

• Neighbours – She wants you to really mind your own business and look into your own houses and sort your problems than focus on what time she comes back from work or who drops her home late night
• Roadside Romeos – She wants to sometime slap you really hard and kick you right in your balls for every pervert glance you throw at her and undress her with your glares every minute, be it walking down the road or in the bus or in the mall or where ever you are (which is everywhere!)

Love Stories

In a lot of ways I am looking forward to November. So many of my friends are walking down the aisle. And most of them are getting into a ‘love-marriage’. I have known many of them for a long time and it felt nice when I heard the news of their engagement. More so after getting to know who was actually seeing who!!

There is something really alluring about love-marriages. I have been a witness to some fabulous love stories. And now some more happening. And when I say love stories, I literally mean love stories. People, who are completely opposite to each other, make an appearance in each other’s life at a random place at a random time (or may be right place and right time??), falling in love and taking the big step of matrimony. 

I have a cousin who met her life partner while studying for MBA in a b-school in Mumbai. Incidentally, both of them belonged to the same city in UP and had attended the same classes for CAT preparation. But they were oblivious to each other’s existence on the planet. However, destined to meet and spend their life together, they met in college, spent those 2 years knowing each other and being great friends. Only in the fag end of the course did they realize the feelings for each other and confessed their love. It wasn’t a particularly an easy ride for them. They had to literally fight the world for their love and they came out with flying colours. Now, they are considered one of the happiest and made-for-each-other couples in our family. And I never fail to tell my cousin how lucky they both are to have found each other.  Both of them have quite different tastes. One such clear point of distinction being my sister is a total foodie, not surprising coming from Punjabi roots, and my jiju is an ascetic when it comes to food. But when you meet them, you will instantly know they were always meant to be together! :)

My best friend met her life partner in January and by July they had decided to spend rest of their lives together. Today, after about three years, she is one beautiful mommy-to-be and I can’t wait to play with her kid.  She and I go back to school days and have had our share of fights, disagreements and rough patches in these roughly one and a half decades long friendship. But like best friends are, we have come back to each other very effortlessly. I have seen her love story starting from ground zero and I can’t say in words how pleased I am now. 

Another awesome friend of mine fell in love with this awesome guy who she had known as a friend for some years. Only when they bumped into each other at the same workplace, sparks flew. And how! They got hitched and got married in next six months. I was particularly surprised when she told me she is in love because she always wanted an arranged marriage and believed she will never fall in love. Well, destiny!

One of my closest friends met a girl when they both were in class 7. And something special happened. A courtship started that lasted well over a decade! Everything fell into place, families agreed and they took the holy vows. Now, after some years into marriage, they are well-settled in Australia, happy and very much in love.

And then, there is this ex-colleague and a good friend of mine who I thought to be a flirt and someone who would never take things like love or marriage seriously. He actually fell in love with the girl who is stark opposite to him. Nobody even had a clue that these guys were even seeing each other. So, when the news broke out, there were lots of shocks and gasps. ;)

Let me add that the right end to a love story need not be marriage. Though conventionally, it is considered the best ending. For some, the endings are not that rosy. There are not really any ‘happily ever afters’ for some. I know many such people too. But they have not let that stop them from falling in love and finding their perfect love story all over again. And someone has rightly said, ‘True love stories never have endings.’  

And I am not sure if I am looking at making my own perfect love story, but yes, I will continue to be a witness to many stories to come and write about them.  :)

Let that love happen to you, if you have been avoiding it all along. It is got to be one heady ride, or so say my ‘in love’ friends!!

I would like to end this lovey dovey post with my favourite scene from When Harry met Sally. Take a look.  Fall in love. <3

And the life goes on…

I have seen many important and very dear relationships fall apart over the last few years. And each time, I realized that while the other person has clearly moved on, I was left tending to my wounds.

Hurt is a universal feeling and how you deal with it is totally subjective. Remember, it is always easy to tell someone to ‘move on’. It takes just more than that, more than just some comforting words. There are those who go into a shell, there are those who want to take it all out and look for a comforting shoulder to fall back on and then there are those who try to shove it all in, to the deepest so as not to confront this grief ever again, and become normal very next day. We all know that we have to move out of it and move on with life some day. But we take our own time to first, come to terms with the grief, letting it sink in and then deciding to overcome it.

I have seen many people dealing with such things differently. I have read many ‘self-help’ and ‘how to deal with…’ sort of articles. What works for one may or may not work for the other. It is very simple, the intensity of hurt is not the same for two people.

Also, though I am not an expert on the topic but I would like to share some of the ways I have learnt to deal with such feelings. In no way I am saying that what I have been through is in comparison to somebody else’s pain and hurt. No. There are no and cannot be any comparisons. I am aware people go through a great deal of suffering. The point I am trying to make here is we all have different ways to deal with that hurt. Hurt, that can be due to someone passing away, a breakup, messed-up career or financial troubles. But above all that, we do want to come out of that miserable condition. We cannot be in that state forever. We need to move on. Rightly said then, change is the only constant in life.

I am also learning and I also realize that my own mechanism to deal with such situations is getting a lot better as I grow old. Yes, here I can safely say that age may not just be a number after all!

• Remember, nobody is indispensable. Yes. Barring your parents, siblings, life partner and close friends, there is nobody you need to mourn over, if that person did not think about you before moving on. Today, I regret not the loss of a few friends long gone, but the demise of my uncle two and a half years back. How we keep taking our family and lot of things around it for granted and then one fine day, we feel that guilt of not giving them enough time and attention. Yes, I miss my uncle and I realize, that is the ultimate loss. He is not going to come back.

So, it is important to think about those who think about us and value us in their lives. Because only they are the ones you will never be able to replace. Stop sulking over that boyfriend who left or the job that sucks. Leave it and move on. Love your loved ones. Life will take care of rest!

• Do what you want to do. Don’t let people decide how you should come out of the grief. Cry till your tears are all gone, crib till your words give on you or be quiet and go into yourself till you find yourself. Do what you feel like. It will take time but the ‘moving on’ will be organic, so to say. And not artificial.

• I am not going to advise you to ‘develop a hobby’. Clichéd. But find something which just gives a vent to your feelings at that moment. There is always that one thing that soothes, calms you. Dance, paint, write, cook, do yoga, teaching…basically anything or may be that one thing that you always wanted to do. Time to start doing it is now!

• Love yourself. Respect yourself. Start looking for happiness in small things and you will find it.

• Always be humble and grateful about the love and care that you are getting from people. That matters. In this mean world, people do not have time even for themselves. So, if someone is taking time out to reach out to you, be generous.

• Finally, it is all ok. Trust the Highest power, if you don’t believe in God. He never gives us the challenge which He thinks we can’t fulfill. Believe there is something better and brighter at the end of this tunnel. Besides life never stops for anyone. It moves on. So it is only wise to pick up the broken pieces, trust that you will sail through this storm and move on with ever-flowing life.

I do not want this post as another ‘how to…’ thing. These are just plain simple fundas which we usually overlook when we are sad. Trust me when I say that all of them work. I say all that because I have been there.