Virginity and all that jazz

The other day I was reading the ‘Losing my virginity and other dumb ideas’ by Madhuri Banerjee. I remember picking up the book just going by the title. Yeah! I know! Don’t give me those scandalous looks, please! I was intrigued. 

Moving further, some things on ‘virginity’ I stumbled upon:

• A woman in Egypt was ordered to pay fine to her ex-husband for lying about her virginity! Read here
• There is a ritual I heard happening somewhere in India when a newly wed woman after her first night with her husband is supposed to throw the ‘blood-stained’ bedsheet out in the open for everyone to see that she was a virgin
• Hymenoplasty (the surgical restoration of hymen) is getting prevalence in many parts of the world and is talked about in hushed tones in the living room conversations when the woman is getting married and one of the things considered to save the marriage

Virginity as a virtue has always been, in unsaid terms, a virtue to be held closely by a woman. And as the above-mentioned trivia is very justifiably hinting at. 

For a man, it is considered ok to not be a virgin. Infact, women do not mind their men to be not one when they are with them. Especially in a committed, marital relationship. They say, experience is only going to help them! For men, it is ok to have had lost virginity at 15 and boast about it. For men, it is ok to tell his wife about his past laurels and it gets difficult for him to digest the fact that his wife is not a virgin. 

All the talks of morality circle around a woman being a virgin and saving herself for her husband. The idea of being a virgin on the wedding night has been ingrained in women for years now. There are perhaps two sects of women on this issue. One who has been there and done that. For them, in this day and age, there is no such thing as being rigid to morals that do not add to your existence or being. For them, being a virgin or not being one is an unimportant detail and life has far more challenges that they need to face. For them, this is just one of the things that happens naturally and should be dealt exactly that way. The sect that believes we are making an issue over a tissue. 

The other sect, the one that is holding onto this virtue, is confused. They may want to go out there and lose it at the right opportunity but they wait not for the right opportunity but the right man. They question the virtue, the unfairness of the society to being biased towards men on this, like on many others as well. In their hearts they also know that it is just an issue over a tissue but they lack the will to go against the tide. For them, t is not so much about saving yourself for the husband but the right man. 

However, it may be any woman from both the sects to be going for hymenoplasty. Or she may skip discussing the being a virgin part while getting into a marriage. All this because as a society (all over the world), we have men who are well-traveled, work in the MNCs, are rich and smart. But they would not like their women to have had been there before (you know what I am talking about).  They are educated but would not know that the small delicate tissue like hymen may get ruptured due to multiple other reasons. They sleep around, have one-night stands but when it comes to women, become moral police.

Personally, I feel we should just look around and smell the coffee. World is changing and changing fast. In this changing world, relationships are going through different twists. Morals and values make us the person we are and that’s about it. Being a virgin or not being one is a personal choice and can never be governed by values. 

If we are so hung up on morals and virtues, what else answers the pervert mentality behind the crimes that are frequently happening these days? May be some fodder to think for the moral police.